Top 10 Beatings of Kick-Ass
February 1st, 2010
Now that “Book 1″ of Kick-Ass has wrapped up I decided it was time to read all eight issues one more time. I wanted one more look at Kick-Ass being the best their is at what he does. Getting the shit beat out of him. Think about it. He’s Rocky Balboa minus the monstrous left hook. He loses nearly every fight he gets into.
So here are the top ten panels of Kick-Ass getting kicked, punched, clubbed, run-over, or just otherwise mauled. Instead of trying to actually rank these in any order (although number 6 has almost certainly has to be the winner) I opted instead to show them in the order as they appeared in the comic.
Warning, there be spoilers ahead.
#1
On one of his first patrols Kick-Ass takes on a small group of punks who are spraying graffiti. Shortly into the scuffle he gets kicked in the junk. Shortly after that he gets stabbed.
#2
After being beaten and stabbed in his first fight he escapes only to get hit by a car as he’s running away.
#3
After months of recovery from getting beaten/stabbed/run-over Kick-Ass returns to patrol and attempts to defend a man being attacked by three thugs. Technically he wins this fight as the thugs decide that he’s just too crazy to continue wailing on.
#5
Kick-Ass takes his new found MySpace fame and starts taking requests. One request sends him to a gangsters home. Kick-Ass tells him he’ll break his legs if he doesn’t change his ways and then a hooker breaks a bottle of champagne over his head.
#5
It turns out that the Red Mist in addition to being a pansy, is also a liar. He is the son of a mob boss and he betrays Kick-Ass. The remaining panels in this list are the result of Red Mist’s betrayal.
#6
Ok, the car battery on the testicles. This was technically in the first issue during a flash-forward but we don’t really get to it until issue #7. Let me just say this, have you ever seen the clamps on a pair of jumper cables? These things are huge and they have spiked teeth. Their purpose is to attach violently to battery posts. Forget the electric current just clamping one of these down on a nut and goodbye nut. That’s it. This panel makes me physically squirm.
#7 – #10
Presumably after having his balls mangled and fried by a car battery THEN the mobsters go to work on him. Kick-Ass enrages his torturers with insults in attempt to get them to beat him so savagely that the chair he is tied to will shatter. That’s his plan. Now it should be noted that as a result of getting demolished by a car his head has metal plates in it as well as regions of dead nerves which prevent him from feeling pain. So I guess this plan make sense.
Bonus Round!
As issue #8 wraps up Kick-Ass finds the nerve to tell the girl he secretly loves how he feels about her. It could have gone better.
I guess we’re not talking about the unreal brutality with various bladed weapons? The butcher knife in issue #8 springs to mind.
@Steve-O: Yes but that was not directed at Kick-Ass. So it didn’t make the list. I could probably make another top ten list of violence delivered by Hit-Girl alone.